Speaking of Cement

Lee died today. Jeff asked Tom to call me with the news. There will be a memorial service soon. I feel so bad for Chuck. They’ve been together 21 years. Tom said tonight is the first night in all that time that Chuck will be alone. I’m guessing that they are both in their sixties (sorry if I guessed high on that one) and I can’t imagine losing your soulmate at that stage of life.

Mike and I have only been working with the Task Force for a little over a year now, so I don’t know them that well, not nearly as well as those who have been privileged to know them for a much longer time. Even so, I was greeted with smiles and hugs and, “Howya doing, Sweetie?” Where’s Mike? He’s such a nice guy.” When I brought my mom to the church to look through the stuff at the rummage sale, I introduced her and she, too, was met with hugs — not phony hugs, but “I am genuinely glad to meet you” hugs. Lee and Chuck are just two authentically nice people and I understand fully why they love each other.

You could see that love in the gentle way they joked with one another, in the smiling eyes when they looked at each other, in the arm draped comfortably, lovingly over a shoulder, in the easy familiarity they display with each other, while they never seemed to take each other for granted; even in a crowded room, they seemed to be aware of each other. Their relationship did not seem to have an imbalance of power; they seemed to form a true partnership. I understand this; it is what my husband and I have. To have such a partnership is a treasure of the heart. I’m glad that Chuck and Lee had that; I am sorry for the loss.

I have two regrets this evening as I write this. The first is that I didn’t get to know Lee better. We both work with groups through the church, but different groups and so we see each other infrequently. The other is that the group with which I work did not accomplish its mission in time for Chuck and Lee to marry.

Twenty-one years should be enough time for any couple to demonstrate their deep commitment to each other. Twenty-one years is a lot longer than many couples, if not most couples, stay together. Twenty-one years together is usually met with the admiration reserved for any couple that has managed to hang on to the roller coaster ride of a committed relationship. Twenty-one years…now that’s love.

In memory of Lee, I vow to continue to work with the Marriage Equality Task Force, to advocate for the right of same-sex couples to marry. If any couple ever deserved that, Chuck and Lee did.